thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
