Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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