Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
