would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize