god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
