i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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