I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we're making bets on your personal life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
