you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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