maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize