on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
