are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
