either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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