My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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