Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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