her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
