I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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