I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
