I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
