And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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