how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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