bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
