I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize