i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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