do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
