My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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