Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize