So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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