Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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