I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize