Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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