im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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