guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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