I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
