I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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