You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
