i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
