two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
