i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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