I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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