If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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