When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
