I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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