grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
