All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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