don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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