Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
