Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
