So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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