Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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