ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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