I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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