Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
