Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
