Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
