I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
