Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
