i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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