ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
