At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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