Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
