living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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