I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
