Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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