That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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