Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
