dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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