new low.... made out with someone while peeing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
