What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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