id be glad to
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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