just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
